A Man Doesn’t Have To Be Highly Successful Financially To Be Considered A Good Father. Conversely, A Father Doesn’t Have To Be Abusive To Be Bad At Fathering.
The quality of the fathering we experience has an impact on the life patterns we develop. When an adult child wants nothing to do with their father, something went wrong with the fathering. When a positive bond continues through the years, something went very right.
Most fathers have good intentions. However, that doesn’t change the fact that a man with substandard skills and inadequate instincts at fathering negatively affects their child far into adulthood.
Common traits of good fathers are:
▪︎ They are present for the child by showing interest, leadership, guidance, and acceptance
▪︎ They model compassion and emotional intelligence by how they run their lives and relationships
▪︎ They model healthy communication with their child and others
▪︎ They provide for their family and create stability
▪︎ They provide discipline without creating fear or confusion about the lesson being taught
▪︎ They are aware and accepting of who their child is. They don’t engage in trying to mold the child into their image
▪︎ They treat the mother respectfully
▪︎ They take care of themselves physically and emotionally
▪︎ They guide a child in the areas of career, socialization and building positive self- esteem
▪︎ They are proactive, not lazy
▪︎ They admit their mistakes and apologize
▪︎ They show love and affection
▪︎ They show strength and confidence
▪︎ They prepare their kids for the difficult and disappointing aspects of life
▪︎ They are self- sacrificing when it’s in the best interest of their child
These characteristics and behaviors do not suggest perfection. In fact, children can learn positive lessons from the mistakes or missteps their fathers make if the father explains what happened, apologizes, and corrects their behavior.
Common characteristics of bad fathering
- Verbal or physically abusive discipline
- Models instability in one or more area of life
- Weak boundary setting
▪︎ Selfishness
▪︎ Immaturity
▪︎ Rigidity
▪︎ Is an absent workaholic
▪︎ Conveys disappointment in their child
▪︎ Offers limited one-to-one time
▪︎ Negative messaging about people and society
▪︎ Peripherally involved with the parenting
▪︎ Engages in irresponsible behaviors
▪︎ Lacks involvment in their child’s interests
▪︎ Is competitive with the child
▪︎ Offers no guidance or problem solving skills
▪︎ Makes the child feel responsible to please or agree with him
Father’s Day can be a wonderful day of sharing memories and looking forward to making more beautiful memories together. However, for those whose father disappointed or hurt them, know it wasn’t your fault and give thanks to those who gave you what your father didn’t.
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