Many people dread the experience of dating. However, there are strategies, techniques, and attitudes that can make the process less tedious and anxiety-producing. Having conversations that match your dating stage helps the experience be more relaxed and less complicated. Changing negative attitudes and behaviours is essential.
Dating is social time spent with another person engaging in activities to have fun, get to know each other, express your authentic self and discover an interest in having a positive short-term experience or a long-term, committed relationship. It also reveals personal strengths and weaknesses in social, emotional, and relationship functioning.
Silences can be awkward. Not feeling confident can stifle the ability to relax and converse with ease. Being judgmental can create detachment from being present in the moment. Changing harmful beliefs that reduce dating optimism will help increase the potential for more pleasant, successful experiences.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF TO PREPARE FOR DATING:
Do I have positive or negative self-esteem?
Am I over my last relationship?
Do I have a rigid checklist of expectations of the people I date?
Am I comfortable talking about myself?
Am I assertive about the things I like and don’t like to do on a date?
Am I a good conversationalist? If not, what are my areas of weakness regarding social conversation?
Can I set boundaries about answering personal questions in a mannered way?
What are my deal-breaker issues?
Am I obsessing about how much sexual chemistry I’m feeling or expecting?
Do I have sex too soon?
Do I tend to judge or criticize?
Do I use humor appropriately when meeting someone new?
Do I tend to be positive or negative?
Do I ask too many or not enough questions?
Do I talk more than listen?
Being self-aware of how our behaviors and attitudes create stress, criticalness, or anxiety on a date can help transform a negative experience into a positive one. Additionally, too often people blame disappointing dating experiences on the other person without taking responsibility for their part in the adverse outcome or disappointing dynamic. A date has a better chance of going well if personal emotional baggage and negative social and communication habits are resolved beforehand. Being happy in other parts of your life will improve your dating attitude.
Safe, Successful Early Dating Conversations
The most common communication mistakes in early dating include revealing too much personal information too soon, talking too much, and listening too little. Being afraid of silence, feeling self-conscious, wanting to impress someone, or rushing intimacy are issues that cause people to initiate conversations that make dating feel stressful, awkward, and emotionally threatening. Staying present and discussing interests, values, hobbies, career experiences, thoughts on current events, and travel adventures are safe topics to discuss. Sharing opinions, ideas, and perceptions allows you to show your intellect, sense of humor, and other positive, attractive traits while avoiding premature vulnerability. Talking about the past is also a source of conversation. However, the mistake people make is discussing sensitive information that can be misunderstood, scare people away, or create inaccurate impressions.
It is important to remember that in early dating, there has not been enough shared experiences to accurately know someone you have just met or for them to accurately know you. The information we share is how someone begins to determine who they think we are and how we measure up to what they are looking for in a person. Sharing details about past traumas, negative information about your family, medical information, and the drama of past relationships creates an intense atmosphere that will drain the fun out of a date and cause people to make inaccurate, negative assumptions that push them away instead of attract them to us.
Giving general information about family, school achievements, career, interests, positive memories, and experiences are typical and expected topics to discuss in early dating. These topics are low risk and create the opportunity to assess compatibility and enhance interest in getting to know someone better. Asking questions is another way to generate conversation and avoid awkward silences. Nonetheless, avoid prying into areas that can violate a person’s boundaries and privacy. Once both people have expressed an interest in continuing to see each other, it becomes appropriate to share more details about the ups and downs of your life and sensitive facts about yourself. A fun, comfortable, and interesting atmosphere is a great launching pad for a positive dating experience and a potential relationship. Rushing emotional or physical intimacy shortens the initial stage of dating and should be low-stress, conflict-free and fun.
Dating doesn’t have to feel stressful or negative; however, how one participates in the process often makes it so.
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