Effective Listening Requires Hearing Feelings and Intentions

Effective listening involves more than just hearing words being spoken. It means hearing feelings, intentions, and content. It means wanting to understand what is being said and being able to respond appropriately and accurately.

Effective communication involves both talking and listening in a way that makes our thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and opinions conveyed clearly and received accurately. A common roadblock in achieving positive results in a relationship communication is poor listening skills. When information is interpreted inaccurately, intimacy, empathy, and understanding are impossible. The following listening skills will reduce conflict, resolve misunderstandings, and bring people closer to each other:- Make the effort to listen to the content and the feelings of what is being said
– Resist taking things personally, getting defensive, or arguing with what is being said
– Don’t interrupt when someone is doing the talking
– Resist thinking about your response when you are in the listening role
– Think empathically about what the person is saying
– Make the effort to develop an interest in what is being said. Being interested increases the accuracy of retaining and understanding what is being spoken
– Make a mental note of questions you will want to ask. The ability to form appropriate questions is an indication of involvement in the information being shared
– Eliminate distractions such as your phone, other noises, or visual stimuli.
– Delay talks if you are too tired or distracted by something else that will reduce your ability to be attentive and focused. Be honest about it and reschedule the interview.
– If you haven’t heard something accurately, politely interrupt and ask for clarification. Not getting the clarification can make the rest of what is shared unnecessarily.
– Use non-verbal communication with the person talking to communicate that you are processing what they are saying and are engaged in good listening.
– Be in a comfortable setting when listening to someone talk. Physical discomfort will reduce accurate and engaged listening.Positive Response Skills After Listening- Summarize what you heard the person say
– Validate their point of view and feelings they expressed
– Ask your questions to get clarity and to demonstrate interest
– Express disagreement or different points of view without judgment or correcting
– Ask the speaker if you heard anything inaccurately or misread their intentions or feelingsPositive communication brings people closer to each other. It creates intimacy and raises self-esteem within the relationship. Good communication skills also help clarify when a relationship isn’t working. The upset of a break-up can be lessened because good communication explains what went wrong, why feelings have changed, or appropriate apologizing. This makes closure and moving on less painful. Accurate listening is equally essential to solid verbal skills. To be a successful listener, one has to set aside their agenda for the moment so one can be there for someone else in an engaged, caring way.