What does missing someone feel like? What does it say about the attachment you had when you miss someone? How to stop missing a friend, family member, or lover if the relationship is over?
Missing someone indicates you experienced an emotional attachment that had deep significance for you. We miss people with whom we built pleasurable memories that are permanently embedded in our minds. When we lose someone, whether from death, a break-up, a geographic obstacle, or a natural growing apart, we suffer emotionally. Loneliness and sadness are common emotions that coincide when we miss someone. Anxiety can also occur, especially in situations where the loss is permanent, as in death, or when perceive it as permanent after an acrimonious ending.
When we think about the person we miss, we believe it is only that person’s absence that is upsetting, however, it is also the fading memories we experienced with them that we also miss. Correlating the positive emotions of the memories with not being able to physically be with that person intensifies the pain of being apart. We miss something or someone that had value to us. We miss who we were able to be with that person. When you miss a parent who has passed away, you miss the unique memories from your childhood and a special love that cannot be re-experienced with any other person. When you miss a lover, you miss that set of unique remembrances that gave you pleasure, happiness and promised a future together. It is normal to idealize the person we miss, recalling only the positive qualities they possessed, however, forgetting the negatives continues the missing and derails attempts to move forward in your life.
Missing a lost friend or ex- lover may signal we want to revisit or repair those relationships. In that respect, missing someone is useful in deciding to reach out and make contact. However, it may also indicate more time is needed for memories to fade so acceptance of the loss can occur and one can feel ready to resume efforts to move forward. Nostalgia can keep us emotionally focused on the pleasant memories of a person who has exited our life. When we are nostalgic, we miss what felt good with that person we loved and enjoyed. Nostalgia is a normal human emotion, however to get over intense feelings of missing someone we have to, 1) take good care of ourselves, 2) release our feelings either through journal writing, confiding in a friend, or talking to a professional, 3) stop romanticizing the person as perfect and recall imperfect or negative memories that make sense of being apart, 4) become immersed in new activities, 5) re-engage with people, both from the past and through new connections, and be grateful for what was good about trelationshipship.
Missing a loved one who has passed away may last a lifetime. However, there are degrees to which we experience intense feelings of missing those we have lost. Momentos, videos, and photographs can lessen the missing because the memories, if pleasant, can keep the connection you shared alive. Additionally, it is not uncommon to miss people with who we shared unhealthy or harmful experiences. Becoming fully engaged in the present helps lessen missing people in ways that can disrupt our lives. Missing someone with whom we shared a positive relationship reminds us of the value of what we have lost and justifies why we feel sad; moving forward while still missing someone is a normal reaction to experiencing the ebb and flow of relationships.
Leave a Reply