Millennials feel discouraged about their futures. For financial reasons, many of them are still living at home with their parents. They are desperately discouraged about whether the job market, wages, or the political direction of our government will ever help them achieve financial independence. Additionally, privacy and boundaries issues while living at home is a difficult but necessary issue to discuss and resolve.
There are 83.1 millennials in the United States. They make up 1/4 of the population of the country. They now out number the baby boomer population. However, they are understandably disillusioned about their lives due to the chaotic state of the country and the economic challenges they face regarding the lack of jobs or careers that offer salaries that support them becoming independent from their parents. The parents of those millennials who are developmentally ready for independence but are struggling to find self-supporting jobs, can ease the emotional discomfort their kids feel about still living at home by being sensitive to boundaries and privacy needs.
Babyboomer parents struggle with understanding why the financial help, free housing and emotional support they offer isn’t helping their kids achieve psychological wellness and optimism. Many boomers recall their experience as adolescents with depression era parents pressuring them to become independent right after high school and college. They believe offering financial support and a place to live rent free should be appreciated and encouraging. The truth is, millennials do appreciate the help, however that doesn’t reduce their desire and readiness for the adult privacy they need to achieve healthy emotional individuation from their parents and to build their self-esteem.
Open communication is a key factor in helping millennials navigate the complicated emotions they feel about living at home with their parents. They often feel guilt or shame about the logistical and emotional requests they want to make of their parents. They feel a lack of entitlement to express their boundaries because of the generosity they are receiving. Parents can help with the process by encouraging discussions with their kids about how they feel about the rules of the house, the level and style of parental engagement, and about privacy needs. A perfectly appropriate question by a parent like “where are you going?” or ” what did you do with your friends” can create feelings of anger or shame in a young adult who wants to feel privacy boundaries exist without judgment . The argument from a family perspective is that when you live with others, there is a normal curiosity and interest about what people in the family are doing and where they are going. But for many millennials who long to be living on their own, these inquiries can feel intrusive and infantalizing.
Families don’t want to feel like they are walking on eggshells when communicating. Parents and young adults still living together must express needs and boundaries in an honest, considerate way. For the millennial who is inable to begin the next chapter of their life because of financial dependency, feeling control over what they choose to share and what they want to keep private can make living with parents feel less oppressive and restrictive and more comfortable for all concerned.
Although every era has its challenges, millennials have grown up in extraordinarily abnormal times. The experience of the COVID pandemic, year’s of school shootings, talk of the planet dying from the results of climate change, a government hostile to minorities and women rights, and economic inequality has left many millennials anxious and discouraged about their ability to achieve independence, find a satisfying career, and someday help to support a family. Continuing to live at home through their twenties feeds into their feelings of hopelessness. An environment that allows for independent decision-making and private experiences without excessive parental control or direction helps prepare young adults for the reality of the autonomy they seek.
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