Giving too much information too soon can sabotage dating outcomes. It can lead to a false sense of intimacy, cause sex to happen too fast, and sabotage a relationship before it has a chance to develop Knowing what to talk about in the early stages of dating can be challenging. The anxiety one might feel about awkward silences can cause lapses into styles of communication that will eliminate gaps in silence but cause the date to go in the wrong direction. The “interviewing for a spouse mode” or the “information dump”. are common communication patterns that can turn a potentially successful date into an awkward, disconnected experience.
Asking questions is an aspect of normal conversation when trying to get to know someone. However, certain questions are more appropriate than others, and too many questions can feel like a job interview rather than a comfortable social exchange. Asking questions that encourage the sharing of information that is too personal may initially feel positive but will eventually be regretted. This regret can cause people to shut down, get defensive or lie to cover up their discomfort or shame.
A person who feels pressured by excessive questioning will often disclose too much information, resulting in uncomfortable levels of vulnerability and embarrassment. The person receiving the information can become confused or overwhelmed about how to respond to more personal information than was expected. This overly personal communication becomes complicated for people to navigate and adds unnecessary stress for people trying to get acquainted.
To reduce discomfort, using sex to redirect this verbal excessiveness is the common default behavior. However, sex happening too soon creates another set of problems. If the dynamic becomes too focused on the physical connection, the emotional growth of the relationship can become stunted. Additionally, unrealistic expectations can occur after sexual relations begin because sex can create inappropriate levels of attachment. An opposite reaction can occur such as becoming more distant or ceasing any future contact.
So, in place of telling your whole life story in the early stages of dating, sharing information about interests, work, the activity of the date, school experiences, current events, or surface family facts is emotionally safer. Talking about past relationships, family problems, or sensitive medical information in the early stages of dating can change the atmosphere from fun and comfortable to overly serious and awkward. Asking questions shows interest and can replace excessive disclosure of information that may communicate an inaccurate impression of a person’s true self. The belief that sharing deeply personal information will accelerate a healthy bond with a new person in your life is false. The passage of time and shared experiences is the path that leads to a real connection that has possibilities.
Read more specifics in “The Ten Foolish Dating Mistakes That Men and Women Make” or in the article “The Honesty Dilemma In Early Dating”, http://www.rebeccasperbermft.com.
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